So the child we were supposed to be placed with fell through at the last moment. I find myself thinking, if we had just inseminated, I would have a child in my arms right now. Enter my ethics. I can't decided on what to do. I feel like I have a duty to our community and humaity to make a difference in this world, not matter how small the part. Sure, we can adopt a beautiful healthy newborn child ($$$$$). We rather adopt what society calls "difficult placements (which by the way includes all black children over 3). Our license expires in April. Do we renew? Do we inseminate? do we just keep waiting?. Maybe we should just switch to fostering and let the powers at be take our lives into their hands. Maybe we should do both? Inseminate while we're waiting? I dunno. I love birth. I love babies. However, I have a deep rooted feeling, deep in my soul, that I was not meant to birth children. I was meant to love children nurture them. I was meant to take care of mothers. I want to make the world understand that birth is natural. It isn't a medical procedure, it shouldn't be treated as one. It should be treated as an illness with 'necessary' interventions. So, do we renew our license? Do we inseminate? Or both?